THIS IS THE NEWS
THIS IS THE
JIHAD FUNTIME
YO BROSEPHUS,
WHAT'S CRACKALACKIN' WITH THE BOOTY SMACKIN'?
LONGTIME, NO FATWA.
YOU INFIDEL FAGS
ARE ALL THE SAME,
YEAH, I KNOW,
LIKE
WHAT
IT `S
BEEN
"YO GF,
HOLLA AT A PLAYA,
HOW'S THAT PARADISE SHIT
WORKIN' OUT?"
AND BTW ALL THE STUPID LOLGOAT PICS,
WE LOVE 'EM ALL.
GF GOT THE TIME FOR ALL THE INTERNET JIBBER JABBER,
OR TWITTER TWATTER,
OR WHATEVER THAT LATEST EARTH SHIT IS.
YO CUZZ,
WE WANT TO HELP YOU OUT:
THIS PARADISE RESORT IS A STRAIGHTUP KICKIN IN THE DICK.
`
FOR FUCK SAKE,
WE DO NOT WANT TO
AFFORD, HIRE, LOAN OR BUY,
WE STEAL.
LOOK,
WE DON'T BITCH,
WE FUCKIN ́ GIVE YOU
SOMETHING REAL
AT FIRST DROP,
AT FIRST SPRING,
AT NASTY RATING
YEAH, WE WANT IT
WE NEED IT.
THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET,
THE BEACH,
THE 24-HOUR POONTANG ROOM SERVICE,
AND ALL THE FAT SUNBURNED ASSHOLES
ASAP
IT IS ALL LIKE,
"OH, THA`TS AWESOME PROPERTY."
WE START LAUGHING AGAIN
WE ARE LIKE SOME DAMN IDIOTS
AND THEN WE STAB U
RIGHT IN THE FUCKIN` NUTSACK
WITH A FRICKIN' PITCHFORK
IN UR ASS.
WORKIN ́ UR DUMP.
NO, THOUGH.
THE ONE NON-STOP WORDLIFE CRACKA,
MUTHAFUCKIN' ALL NIGHT.

IT IS A GODDAMNED MYSTERY
IT IS THE DARK CORSAGE.
YEAH,
IT IS THE PARADISE SHIT EXPECTATIONS.
WTF, MAN?
SLAMMING THE CAGE DOOR.
BECAUSE HALF THE FACE IS SHOT OFF.
"WHAT TO LOOK AT, NO-FACE?"
EVEN IN PARADISE
KEEP THE PIMP HAND STRONG.
NOW, MIND YOU, PARADISE AIN'T BEEN NO CLUB MED FOR GF,
BUT STILL WOULDN'T TRADE PLACE.
GOOD THING GF AIN'T GOT THAT SYMPATHY SHIT YOU INFIDELS ARE
CURSED WITH,
OR W'DA MISSED THE BEST MUTHAFUCKIN' LAFF RIOT W'VE HAD SINCE
WE WENT TO PARADISE.
COME ON, SWEETEST BITCH, TEXT US WHAT YOU GOT@ SAY.
LIKE FWIP-FWIP-FWIP,
SATAN DROP IN ON ROPES,
SUPERSPY STYLE,
AND WE LIKE SHHHHHHIT.
THOSE CRAZYASS MUTHAFUCKERS TRACKED US DOWN TO PARADISE,
AND WITHOUT A WARRANT.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A .223 FULL METAL JACKET MIGRAINE?
THERE AIN'T ENOUGH TYLENOL IN PARADISE FOR THAT SHIT,
EVEN IF THEY HAD TYLENOL IN PARADISE.
EVERY DAY,
IT'S CALISTHENICS,
FWIP-FWIP-FWIP
HUMAN SHIELD TIME,
PA-PAPP PA-PAPP,
ZWIP-ZWIP-ZWIP,
EXCEDRIN HEADACHE #1.

LATER HATERZ,
GALLERY FIST